The John McCarthy we knew and loved

Port Adelaide footballer John McCarthy at AAMI Stadium. Source: adelaidenow

SIX months after Port Adelaide footballer John McCarthy died in Las Vegas, his parents give an in-depth interview about the son who filled their lives with joy.

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IT was some time in the blur of days following the death of her son John that Cath McCarthy was asked a question which still brings tears to her eyes.

"If someone told you that you could have a child who is going to fill your life with joy and love but in 22 years you're going to suffer the worst pain you can imagine - and you have a choice, you don't have to take this child and (can) stop yourself that pain - what would you do Mum?" posed Cath's eldest son Matthew.

Her reply was swift. "I'd say give me every minute, every hour, every day of pure joy. Any time you have is a gift. A true gift," Cath said.

It's been six months since John McCarthy, the footballer who began his career at Collingwood before moving to Port Adelaide, fell to his death on an end of season trip in Las Vegas.

You sense the pain is still very raw for both Cath and husband Shane as they sit at the living room table of their Portsea home, near Sorrento on Victoria's Mornington Peninsula.

Shane and Catherine McCarthy, parents of former Collingwood and Port Adelaide player John, with their dogs Olle, Poppy and Jules at their home in Portsea, Victoria. Picture: Calum Robertson

The intensely private family has politely declined interview requests since the day John died, but on the eve of Port Adelaide's memorial game against Greater Western Sydney - being held at AAMI Stadium today - allowed SA Weekend to visit their home.

Shane and Cath don't want to speak publicly about the circumstances surrounding John's death but wanted to thank everyone who has supported them.

Family touched by the Power of love

From the seven local lawyers who stepped in to run Shane's practice for more than a month, to the family and friends who ensured Cath didn't cook a meal until the New Year, the response has been humbling.

"They came in, saw clients, did legal work and actually kept the business going," Shane said. "And it was a shock when we had to start to cook again because food would be dropped off, wine ... it was unbelievable."

The family has been sent more than 2000 letters from people offering their condolences.

Port players honour John McCarthy ahead of tribute match.

Cath, who plans to respond to every one, wears a pendant with an image of John around her neck given to her by a woman she doesn't know who also lost a child.

The McCarthys were overwhelmed by the turnout to John's funeral in Sorrento and the 2000-strong crowd which watched a relay of proceedings at Alberton.

They say the support of both Collingwood and Port Adelaide has been enormous, as has the efforts of the entire Sorrento community. "We will never forget," Cath said.

Club honours McCarthy's memory

Shane and Cath were in their mid-20s when they decided to settle in Portsea and raise a family.

Cath had lived there until the age of seven and her father suggested she return given Shane, a lawyer, would have the only practice for miles.

Port Adelaide will leave John McCarthy's locker empty for the entire 2013 AFL football season - and retire his number 35 guernsey for a year.

The pair built a house within walking distance from the beach and after initially struggling to have children, suddenly produced four in five years.

Matthew, the eldest, was followed by three girls, Frances, Elizabeth and Jane.

McCarthy's partner seeks solace in music

With their hands full, the couple waited four more years before deciding to add one more to their burgeoning clan.

Jane had been a very gentle and quiet baby but the newborn, who they named John, was a bundle of energy.

Shane likened him to a blowfly - he'd buzz around for hours and then suddenly stop and fall asleep.

Port Adelaidefootballer John McCarthy with his partner musician Dani Smarrelli.

As he grew, the family quickly noticed that John was a naturally gifted child.

He taught himself to ride a full-sized bike before his third birthday and at age four was lobbing golf balls into the neighbour's yard.

Gallery: John McCarthy's funeral

Football, basketball and tennis all came easily to John and he surprised his parents by making the state finals in snow skiing despite never having skied before joining his primary school team.

At age 12 John developed Sever's disease, a serious heel condition that left him wheelchair-bound for a few days.

He was forced to scale back his sporting endeavours, but Cath wanted to keep John busy, so despite the hit to Shane's wallet, the pair bought him a sailboat.

Fans set up a makeshift memorial for Port Adelaide footballer John McCarthy at Alberton Oval.

It was on the water that John showed he had the character to match his undoubted sporting talent.

During a race from Sorrento to Portsea and back, Cath spotted John trailing the field badly.

His boat was in far worse condition than all the other kids, and was taking on water.

An official ventured out to offer John a tow, but the courageous youngster refused and despite having to madly bail water made it back to shore where he received a standing ovation.

John's warm nature made him popular with girls but he never developed the type of attitude that plagues most during their teenage years.

Shane and Catherine McCarthy, parents of former Collingwood and Port Adelaide player John, with their dog Poppy at Shelley Beach near their home at Portsea, Victoria. Picture: Calum Robertson

He would always greet his family with a hug and a kiss and was never afraid to tell you how he felt.

"He never worried about image," Cath said. "He knew what he wanted and what he felt and he made you feel it."

Like his grandfather, father and brother before him, John played for the Sorrento Football Club.

He was never the most dominant player - you won't find his name on the club's list of best and fairest winners - but the talent was there.

Despite advances from TAC Cup side Dandenong, the versatile midfielder spent most of his time playing for his high school, Peninsula.

Alongside future Western Bulldogs player Jarrad Grant, John led the school to some of its greatest successes, including its first ever win against Assumption College. Knowing his father attended Assumption made the win even sweeter.

Port Adelaide footballer John McCarthy in full flight.

AFL scouts were soon visiting the McCarthy home and Collingwood swooped with the 31st pick in the 2007 Draft.

Season-ending suspensions to Alan Didak and Heath Shaw saw John make his debut against St Kilda in 2008.

He played two finals, a win against the Crows in Adelaide and a defeat against the Saints, but injuries limited his appearances to just 12 games over the next three seasons.

So John opted to leave the Magpies and despite training with Richmond, was scooped up by the Power in the 2012 Preseason Draft.

Cath had cried when a West Coast recruiter visited her home back in 2007 but at 22 John was better prepared for a move interstate and left with the family's blessing.

It made it easier that girlfriend Dani Smarrelli, who John had met at a music gig a couple of years earlier, agreed to join him. Dani was different to any other girl John had met - intelligent, musically gifted and from outside the AFL bubble.

At Port Adelaide John finally escaped the injury problems that had plagued his career and played 21 of the Power's 22 games.

Off-field life was good too. He and Dani enjoyed living near Grange Beach and had adopted a new puppy, Jax.

"He loved the life," Cath said. "He was happy there."

Inspired by Dani, John had begun to compose his own music and was planning to make use of his degree in business marketing by starting an online clothing business with fashion designer sister Frances.

"He was a great saver, he was unbelievably ambitious and he had great plans," Shane said. "It's just so hard to comprehend that he's gone."

Outside the McCarthy's home is a wooden platform known as Johnny's Deck.

It features one deck light for each of his 22 years and a newly-assembled wooden table.

The table was the idea of Elizabeth's fiance Jason.

Just a couple of days after John died, Jason picked up a load of timber and gathered all of John's cousins and close mates together and put them to work.

In two and a half hours they had a neatly-crafted centrepiece for the deck.

At nights the family would build a fire and anyone who stopped by would join them outside for a beer.

Each day Shane and Cath took walks together along nearby Shelley Beach.

"A friend told us to go for a walk together along the beach and cry your eyes out and scream and yell and then come back and be brave for your children," Cath said.

They also bought a new puppy - a jack russell they named Poppy.

Cath says she still senses John at different moments in the day.

She'll find herself in a bunker while playing golf and see his cheeky grin, or catch him laughing at her when she's grimacing on a massage table.

"For as long as I live I'll never say I have four children, because I have five," she said. "I'll have five until the day I die."

If there is a positive to come out of the tragedy, it's that a light has been shone on an incredible young man and his wonderful family.

If we can all take something from how John and the McCarthy's live their lives we'll be better off for it.

You hear how John approached every situation with a smile on his face and it makes you want to do the same.

When you sense how important it is to Shane that he kissed his son the last time he saw him, you'll remember to do it with your kids.

Or when Jane tells you she knows what to look for in a husband because of the example her brother set, it makes you want to be that person to your sister.

All of us will inevitably face testing circumstances in our lives but it's how we live before they happen that prepares us to get through them. It's why Cath would willingly trade 22 years of joy for a lifetime of grief.

IN GOOD COMPANY
John McCarthy is buried on a small rise in the middle of the Sorrento Cemetery.

Tucked away in scrubland on the edge of the Mornington Peninsula coastline, the graveyard is filled with notable figures.

Barry 'Hooker' Harrison, who tagged Ron Barassi out of the 1958 Grand Final, is just a few metres from McCarthy's grave.

A bit further along you'll find Harry Caspar, the Carlton full back Essendon fans blame for John Coleman's suspension at the end of the 1951 season which cost them the premiership.

There's also Percy Cerutty, the athletics trainer who coached Herb Elliott to the 1500m gold medal at the 1960 Rome Olympics, and Prime Minister Harold Holt's wife Dame Zara Bate.

Local sexton John Aschhoff knew McCarthy from the age of three and openly wept at his funeral.

 Like most people in Sorrento, he has a favourite J-Mac story.

"He was playing in an under-16 game for Sorrento and him and another lad both marked the ball in the goalsquare at exactly the same time," Aschhoff said.

"The umpire said they could decide for themselves who took the kick - so Johnny being Johnny decided to settle it by playing rock, paper, scissors."

Aschhoff doesn't remember who won the "rock off" and kicked the goal. It doesn't matter to him.

He has planted a tree next to McCarthy's grave, which he says is visited regularly by football fans.

McCarthy's mother Cath has recently cleared away the grave in preparation for the erection of a sandstone monument in the next few weeks.

Given McCarthy played for two clubs with Magpie origins, Aschhoff has begun sticking any stray feathers he finds around the cemetery into the grave.

"It seems to have caught on," he said. "There's about 50 now."

There's still a few other items too, including a Collingwood teddy bear left by a 13-year-old girl who supported Carlton but wanted to pay her respects. Cath has pinned a Port Adelaide badge over its heart.

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